Riding my bike to Justin’s house at seven in the evening is no big deal. The entire trip takes me less than five minutes, and that’s only because I like to keep my route. I make one stop on the corner where the linking roads between our houses intersect, then I make one more right after I turn onto his street. But having a motivation to get there as fast as I could caused me to realize that I had no passengers to pick up, and that all the stops were empty.

The weather was overcast, and it seemed like it could rain at anytime. It was cold, and a mist was falling, but it was a refreshing mist that seemed to make it easier to breathe as it hit my face. As I rode along the sidewalk, I noticed that every porch light was on, a sure sign to me that Autumn was upon us.

I clicked my  brake handle, which also served as a blinker, and made the left turn onto Justin’s block, and as soon as I saw Mark’s black Maxima in the driveway, I picked up the pace, coasting into his driveway and through the open garage door. Justin was waiting with a grin as I rode up, and before I could even set my kick stand, he had pushed the button to close the garage back up.

“I brought it,” I said as I went into my pocket and produced a ten dollar bill, one of three left over from the allowance I had earned from Billy. 

“Hold on to it, dude,” he said, walking through the door leading to his kitchen and motioning me to follow him inside.

“Well hello Kevin,” his dad said as soon as he spotted me.

“Are you spending the night tonight?”

I was about to answer no, but Justin gave me a hopeful look, so I smiled and said, “I’ll have to call my dad and ask him if it’s okay.”

From there we went to Justin’s room and closed the door. I took a seat at his desk while he plopped down on his bed and picked his cell phone up to call his brother, who was in his own room with Mark. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just knock at his door, but I didn’t bother asking, either. I was interested in two things at the time; getting my hands on a dime sack, and the chance to go somewhere alone with Mark.

He was all I could think about throughout the week, and after the time we managed to spend by ourselves the weekend before, I found myself missing him terribly. We had actually gotten away for almost an entire hour on Saturday. We went to Railey’s for Justin’s mom, and riding alone with him in his car made me both nervous and excited. I had a feeling that my dad would disapprove of me being in a car with a sixteen year old who had just gotten his license, but I was swept away by the grown up aspect of being alone with him to do what we wanted unchecked.

The first thing I noticed about him was that he drove fast, and that he had the volume on his CD player way up. I felt a little guilty when we drove past my grandparent’s house, but I shook it off quickly when he put his hand on my thigh and smiled at me.

“Are you okay?” he asked me as we sped up to a stop sign and he put the brakes on at the last possible moment.

“Yeah,” I said shyly, smiling over at him but unsure about what I should do. Feeling his hand touching my leg was magical, and my first instinct was to let my hand wander down to his and hold it. But I wasn’t sure if that would be cool or not, so instead, I reached over and put my hand on his thigh, resting it on the inside. I could feel the tightness in his jeans, and I knew what was happening, but again, I wasn’t sure what to do. I looked up at him and smiled weakly, I knew, but he didn’t bat an eye. Instead, he started to rub my leg as we made a right turn onto Harbor Ave and drove the short distance to the stoplight at Buchanan. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked me in a caring tone as we sat at the light, and I simply smiled and nodded, then I made my confession.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I admitted, immediately feeling silly. Mark just smiled at me and moved his hand from my thigh to my chin, lifting it and leaning in for a quick peck on the lips.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, Kevin,” he said. “Just do what feels right. Do you like this?”

“Yes,” I said hoarsely, moving my hand up and down the inside of his thigh, hoping he would treat me to another one of his delicious kisses.

Just as I was feeling bold enough to take the initiative and kiss him on my own, a car pulled up beside us, then the light turned green and we pulled off. When we got to Railey’s, we parked but didn’t get out. Instead we sat in silence as a sexual charge that I could easily pick up on filled the air. I didn’t know what was coming, but I knew that whatever it was, I was excited about it.

 I turned my head to face him, and he leaned over to me and pressed his lips to mine. I felt his lips part, and I let mine do the same as I felt his tongue enter my mouth and work mine over. Before I knew what was happening, he had positioned himself on his knees and was motioning me with his body language to do the same. When I did, he pulled me closer to him and somehow, I wound up laying down, halfway on his seat and halfway on mine, with him on top of me, running his hand up my shirt and all over my nipples. I could feel his hard on pressing against mine through our jeans.

The taste of his kiss was enough to keep me satisfied for the rest of my life, I thought. I wrapped my arms around his neck and reveled in the intimacy of our connection, then I felt his hand move away from my nipples and down the front of my jeans, into my underwear.

The only person who had ever touched me down there before was Billy, and I hated it. In fact, I hated it so much that I had decided that I was never going to let anyone touch me anywhere ever again. I had never felt so ashamed of myself than I did when Billy molested me and in the process, grabbed me there.

But with Mark it felt different. I didn’t feel ashamed, I felt liberated. In fact, I felt like I could stand and shout out to the whole world that I was being touched in my private areas and that I liked it. I felt like I wanted to announce it on television, or even on the radio. I could get on a microphone and make the declaration....I liked Mark, and he was allowed to touch me if he wanted.

Maybe it was because I was making the choice. Or perhaps it was because I was enjoying it so much, finding the pleasure that I had always heard was naughty. Whatever it was, I knew it felt right. I knew I wanted it to continue. I knew I had found bliss.

As his hand squeezed me, I whimpered out loud and pressed harder with my tongue, trying desperately to reciprocate the pleasure I was feeling by feeling around with my hands until I found the entrance to Marks pants, sliding my hand inside and grabbing the much larger hard on and squeezing it at it’s base. I heard Mark’s low moan, and somehow I knew he liked it too, so I began squeezing harder, slowly moving my hand up and down the shaft with each squeeze, as if I were milking a cow.

When we left Railey’s we stopped off at Buchanan Park and pulled into a parking space. We got out and locked the car, then I led him to the playground and straight to the concrete cylinder, where we crawled inside. I knew it was a little too cramped for him, but he seemed to adapt. As soon as we were settled, I felt him take my hand and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Me and Justin come here,” I told him quietly.

“Do you like Justin?” he asked, and I looked down and thought about his question. Of course I liked Justin. He was cute, and he was my friend. But he didn’t know I liked him.

“I like you,” I said in reply, then I smiled up at him.

“I like you too,” he said, leaning down again and offering me his lips for a kiss. I got on my knees and leaned into his kiss, letting him lay me back down and grind his crotch into me as we made out at the park.

That was the only time we got to spend alone, other than in my dreams. So when the door to Justin’s room swung opened and he walked in behind Justin’s brother, I smiled widely and let my mind wander for a moment, wondering if he was going to offer to go to the store and let me go with him. It was our only hope, and I had to have at least an hour alone with him.

I stood up when he came in to give someone else a spot to sit down. It was always a common courtesy I had been taught by my mom. If there were no available seats, and I had one, it was polite for a gentleman to stand and offer his seat to anyone else in the room. She had never actually said that the rule applied between males, but out of respect for my elders, I had always followed it no matter which gender was in play.

Justin’s brother took the seat at the desk, and I moved to sit on the bed. Mark sat next to me, and I was a little more than shocked when I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder and pull me close. I looked nervously at Justin and his brother for a reaction, and to say that I was taken aback would be an understatement. There were no dirty looks, and I didn’t see any shock registering on their faces either. Instead, they seemed to be smiling excitedly between them and looking back at us as if it was what they wanted.

I relaxed a little and smiled up at Mark, enjoying the feel of his grip around my shoulder. He smiled back at me, then he leaned down and pecked my lips. I turned to see Justin’s reaction, worried that he might not like what had just happened, but again, it was simply a look that said he was excited for us.

As I leaned further in, I felt Mark’s hand start to rub my shoulder as he casually talked to Justin’s brother about something I wasn’t even paying attention to. I was lost in a sea of feelings and emotions, and I wondered how long Justin and his brother had known what was going on. I wondered if Mark had filled them in the weekend before, or if it had happened during the week. Or maybe he hadn’t said a word and they had just picked up on our vibes. I decided to ask Justin the next time we were alone.

At some point, Mark had shifted his position so that he was on his knees and facing me, so I turned and leaned back into him. He wrapped his other arm around me and linked his hands, resting his chin on top of my head, I could feel him stiffening up under me, and I was starting to do the same thing, so I crossed my legs, not wanting Justin to see what was happening to me. I brought my hands up to meet his, lacing our fingers as I listened to him breathe behind me, the back of my head moving with every motion of his chest.

“Dude, that’s a sloppy joint,” Mark commented when Justin’s brother held up his creation, a long, disproportionate joint that rudely bulged in the center.

“Well then why don’t you roll it over?” he answered with a smirk. As soon as he suggested that Mark move from his spot, I panicked a little and tightened my grip on his fingers, not wanting to move from my spot. I knew though,  that if we were going to have any chance of smoking a decently rolled joint, Mark would have to roll it himself.

I reluctantly moved from my spot against his warm body and with a sigh, he got up and went to the desk. Justin’s brother got up and let him sit down, and in a matter of moments, we were heading out to the backyard.  Stepping out into the elements, I found myself wishing I had brought along a coat. The temperature had dropped again, and the mist in the air was thick, so we took cover in their dad’s shed. I was shivering a little from the cold, and the first thing everyone noticed was that I wasn’t wearing a jacket.

“Dude, where’s your coat?” Justin asked when he saw me rubbing my arms to keep them warm.

“I wasn’t cold earlier,” I answered with a smile. “So I just left without one. I’ll be okay.”

“Here,” Mark said suddenly, taking his blue flannel off and wrapping it around my shoulders. I looked up at him to protest, but he had the warmest, most affectionate look in his eyes I had ever seen, so I acquiesced. I really found his gesture to be more romantic than anything, and again, I had to stop and think about what I was supposed to do.

I had never been in a situation where someone else liked me and I was afraid of messing up. I wanted to be around him all the time, and I wanted to show him how I felt. When he took a seat on an old plastic bucket, I leaned up against him and waited while Justin’s brother lit the joint.

After he lit it, he took a few hits and passed it to Mark, who hit it himself, then motioned me to him. He grabbed my face with both hands and pressed his lips to mine, so I opened my mouth to let his tongue enter. Instead, he shared his hit with me. I took it in slowly and easily, then I exhaled and coughed lightly. Justin hit the joint while I coughed, then he passed it my way and I hit it before passing it back to his brother.

When the joint left my hand, I felt Mark pulling me toward him, so I let him guide me to where he wanted me. I wound up between his legs and in his lap, and he wrapped his warm arms around my again. The sleeves of his flannel were way too long, and easily covered my hands, so when I took the joint from Justin I had to hold my arm in the air and shake it so the sleeve would fall back and expose my hand.

I hit the joint, taking in as much smoke as I could handle, then I offered to share it with Mark. I was careful not to blow too hard, but I was able to get most of the hit out without coughing. Of course, I didn’t want our lips to separate, but I knew they had to. Even though there was nothing stopping me, I didn’t act on my urge to steal a long kiss from him.

The feel of his flannel was adding to my feeling contentment, too. The lining was smooth and even a little cool against my skin, and it seemed like I could feel every stitch against my arms. I could smell his cologne on it, too, and it was making my insides jump. Everything about that flannel said Mark, and wearing it was like being part of him.

I was stoned. I knew it, because I was in deep thought and communicating back to myself on a level I never had before. We were all stoned. There was a silence in the shed I was just making myself aware of, and as I looked around, I could see that Justin and his brother were off somewhere in their own thoughts. I shifted a little in Mark’s embrace, making myself a little cozier as I rested my head against his chest and pressed my nose against his shirt, loving his scent and wondering if we would get the chance to find some privacy. 

Somehow I managed to find the sobriety to call my dad and ask to spend the night. He asked if I needed him to bring me a change of clothes, and I told him I already had clothes to change into. At some point before school started, I had left some of my clothes at Justin’s house and never got them back. His mom ended up washing everything for me and they were waiting to be picked up among Justin’s clothes that hung in the closet.

The close call I had with my dad during the week made me stop and think about what was happening and how I needed to be careful. Somehow, the lure of a THC induced high and feeling Mark’s soft lips against mine won out. It was all such a new experience for me, and I found myself unable to resist the temptation of either vice.

Lying to him wasn’t easy, and it certainly what I wanted to do. I had gone so far as to tell him that I had indeed remembered what I dreamt about, but I was able to conjure up a different scenario in short order. That was definitely a good thing for me, since I was dealing with a lot more that evening than what I later learned was a wet dream.

“So why don’t we talk about it, son?” my dad said as he gently stroked the back of my head.

“Do I have to?” I asked, feeling guilty and honestly a little ashamed of my dream.

“Well we don’t have to, Kevin,” he answered. “But I think it might be helpful. I think we need to talk about what happened to you.”

Of course, I knew he meant my pajamas, and my wet sheets. But I still didn’t understand what he meant. I thought I had just wet the bed, and I didn’t know what my dream had to do with anything. Of course, after a lengthy explanation that left me shaken, I suddenly understood the relevance of my dream. When he was done explaining nocturnal emissions and sexual feelings, I sat still in his lap and tried to absorb everything. Some of what we had talked about were things I had learned in school, but some of it wasn’t. In my ignorance, I didn’t equate any of it to what had happened until it was spelled out for me again by my dad, who seemed to take a little pride in the fact that I had my first wet dream.

“There’s nothing to feel ashamed about, son,” he said. “It’s natural for boys your age to have them. If you feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to talk about it. But you can tell me anything, son. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I was dreaming about working on the truck by myself,” I fibbed, feeling like he could see through what I was saying. He must have bought it, though, because he just chuckled a little and hugged me tightly.

“My boy’s becoming a man now,” he said warmly, kissing the top of my head. “Just don’t grow up too fast, buddy.”

“I won’t daddy,” I said with a smile as I gazed up at him, marveling a little about the way I could feel his love radiating down on me, just like when I was little. I just knew that this man was always going to be there to protect me, no matter what had happened in the past.

Our past.

That was another issue that I was sure we were going to tackle. Still, we hadn’t, and I didn’t know fully if it was resolved. But I was too scared to ask about it because I had never seen such passion in my dads eyes than I when I regaled my memories of what happened at my stepbrother’s birthday party. He was furious, but once he came out of his room, the subject was dropped. It was as if nothing had happened, and I understood without being told that I needed not bring it up.

That hurt a little, too. I wasn’t sure what I expected to come of everything, but I at least felt like it was fair of me to expect him to acknowledge that I hadn’t done what he told me he believed I had. That I wasn’t the guilty party, and he knew it. That he was sorry for putting me through the emotional roller coaster I had been on for almost seven months.

But then I started to wonder if he really believed me. Maybe he still thought somewhere in the back of his mind that I had done those things. Maybe he was convinced that I molested my little stepbrother. Maybe he still hadn’t figured out that I was innocent. He was only person who could answer those questions for me, but I wasn’t brave enough to ask. Things were going too good for us to ruin it with a simple question about something that I couldn’t change.

Justin’s dad and his brother built a huge tent in the living room out of blankets, and the four of us camped out there that night. Before we all settled down, though, we went outside to play hide and seek in the front yard. Mark was it, so he counted to twenty while we all scrambled, looking for a place to hide. On the side of the house, there was an old tree that was easy to climb, so I did the logical thing. Once I was as high as I needed to go, I looked down and saw Justin lurking in the area, searching for a spot, so I got his attention by spitting on the ground next to him.

“Hide up here,” I whispered to him once he spotted me, and he immediately scaled the tree. I moved over and let his dangle his legs from the thick branch we were sitting on, and we watched with amusement as Mark found Justin’s brother and chased him around.

“You like him, huh?” Justin asked me quietly with a smile. I shyly looked down at first, but I quickly rebounded and smiled back with a nod.

“How long have you known?” I asked, feeling like I needed to apologize for not saying anything to my best friend.

“Since the other day,’ he said. “Mark told my brother and my brother told me.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I asked, feeling a little unsure about the ease with which he seemed to accept the whole thing.

“No,” he said sweetly. “If you like each other, that’s cool. Mark likes guys. We’ve known that for a long time.”

“Really?” I gawked, realizing that there was a lot about Mark I didn’t know. “How long have you known him?”

“For almost my whole life,” Justin said. “He lived right next door to us in Pleasant Hill”

“I guess I just thought he lived here in Pittsburg,” I answered honestly, wondering how there was so much about him I didn’t know.

Out of the blue, the tree started shaking and we heard laughter at the bottom.

“Ok, lover boys.” Justin’s brother laughed.

“You’re stupid,’ Justin laughed as we climbed down. Before we went back in, we went to the back yard one more time and smoked another bowl in the shed. I took my spot on Mark’s lap and let him share his hits with me the whole time, but in the darkness, I took the opportunity to slip him some tongue when he wasn’t hitting the pipe. I couldn’t see Justin or his brother in the darkness unless they were hitting the bowl and the lighter was shedding light on their faces, but I could feel every feature of Mark’s face.

We held hands all the way back to the garage, but let go once we stepped indoors. Justin and I went straight to his room and closed the door for a moment while Mark went with his brother to his room. We stripped down and got in our night shirts, then we went out to the living room and climbed into the tent and turned the TV on.

Shortly after, Justin’s brother came out and told me to go to his room.

“Mark wants to talk to you about something,” he said, so I got up and walked down the hallway past Justin’s room and past his parent’s room. They had already gone to bed, and I found that odd, considering that it was only about ten o’clock.

When I got to the room, the lights were dim and Mark was lying on top of the covers with a smile. He had his clothes on still, and I felt a little silly that I had gotten into my nightshirt and undies. Still, he patted the spot next to him and grinned, so I did what he wanted.

“So are you okay?” he asked casually.

“Yeah,” I answered a little sheepishly. “I’m glad we saw each other today.”

“Me too, Kevin,” he said warmly, placing his hand in mine and holding it up. “Do you want to talk?”

“Sure,” I said, not knowing what we would talk about.

“Kevin, I want to know something,” he said, his face turning serious for a moment. “Do you really like me?”

“Yes,” I said quietly, wishing there was a way for me to describe to him just how much I really liked him. “I like you a lot. A whole lot, Mark.”